Parenting a teenager is something that’s crept up on me really if I’m honest. One minute they were toddlers, looking to me to meet their every need, then, almost without me realising it, they morphed into older, more independent young people. It sounds cliched I know, but it really did all happen too quickly. There’s a large part of me that longs to be back there, with the two little kids who’s worlds revolved around me; who believed that I could fix all their problems (expect those involving batteries apparently!). I wish I had enjoyed that time more, appreciated it more. But then I realise I’m looking back at the good bits, and choosing to ignore the really tough parts. And I guess the thing I’m trying to learn from that, is to embrace this time, now, with my children, as it is – the good bits, and the not so good.
The changes have been huge, for all of us. I guess from my perspective, one of the hardest parts has been the change in dynamic between myself and my eldest, who is turning into a teenager. He now knows that I can’t fix all his problems; he knows that I don’t have all the answers. And as much as I know that he loves me very much, I am no longer the only one at the centre of his universe. And I find that really hard. It is a completely natural part of growing up, I understand that; it is a completely necessary part of growing up. But it still hurts.
I am a “fixer” by nature: and I care deeply for the people around me. If someone is hurting I want to fix the problem so they no longer hurt. But the problems and the difficulties that come with adolescence can’t always be “fixed”, and certainly not by me as an onlooker, however much I may want to make the hurt go away. So I am working on my own ability to listen and to empathise, but hold off from offering answers or solutions, unless they are directly sought; not always easy! I am also working on my knowledge of, and interest in, Minecraft, coding, mountain biking(!)!!!
Thoughts on parenting a teenager written by Whatever Together member, Haul-ar-fryn
I totally agree it’s a tough transition for both children and their parents. The moment my eldest girl started comp school I suddenly realised that we were being plunged into the topsy turvy world of friendship groups (lots of new emotions for us to learn to live with), and the influence of older teenage girls brings added challenges with self-image, spots, makeup and crushes on boys 🙂 and she’s not 13 yet!! They have the added anxiety with social media that I never had, so that’s a steep learning curve for me. I’ve learned that she doesn’t want my help all the time, but reassuring her I’m there to listen is actually more supportive. I have a younger daughter too, which means I still get to play and enjoy reading stories together…but I’m definitely more aware now how quickly she will soon be too grown up to come for a cuddle or make plasticine animals. On the bright side, Lockdown has meant I can spend more time with both my daughters; we’ve been growing veg, playing in the stream, having water fights (obviously back in the summer…way too cold now!). I’m so grateful to actually be part of their word (not just feed them and do their laundry!) Cherish the little moments …we’ll never get this time again. xx
Absolutely Wendy. Thank you so much for taking the time to add your experience here – it’s one that we know many parents share as their children grow in to teenagers and all that comes with that. You’re right it really is a steep learning curve! If you would be interested in joining our forum then you would be more than welcome – you may find some of the discussions very relevant and helpful. Just click the ‘Join us’ button in the menu here. Thank you again for taking the time to write this. Take care.